Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize