Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
