now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
