Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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