i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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