I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
high people should be assigned attendants
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
