We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
