two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize