sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
if i can run in heels then i can drive
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
