i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just blew my weed a kiss
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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