I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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