fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
