I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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