So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
