walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
