it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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