just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
