This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
