My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
