It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
