I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I didn't notice because vodka
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
