She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
