Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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