How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
