Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
