literally had 100 drinks last night.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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