I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
