I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
