R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If that was your dad, he is hot
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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