Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
