so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
