oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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