I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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