Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
