i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
