i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
