It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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