I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
