just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
