Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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