how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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