after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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