so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
this is an emotional support booty call
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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