my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
