Sry I called you an 8
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
