Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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