There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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