Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
50% drunk capacity currently
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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