just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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