I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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