how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
