The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
