im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
