My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
