mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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