i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
