the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i think i just lost a toe
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
