quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
stop calling my apartment porn island.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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