guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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