ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
