it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
