Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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