Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
