My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
