there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
