oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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