i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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