Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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