Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I enjoy the company of your penis
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize