JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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