I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
