your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
