So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
