yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
