seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
