I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You were trust falling into bushes
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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