thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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