So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
